I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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