dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
