I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
