I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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