Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
