my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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