Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
