so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
