I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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