and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
