where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
