I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
