Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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