i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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