So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
