Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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