Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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