I wish I could teleport
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
