Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
