really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
