Got a toothbrush?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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