And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
