Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
