i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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