we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
