i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
