Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
