6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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