If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
