if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
