woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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