Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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