she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
