I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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