Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
