dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
