so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
