theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
