This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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