This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
