She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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