Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
