not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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