I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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