So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
