thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
