I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
