i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
