lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
