i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
